|Brave New World|
|Season 1, Episode 16|
|Air date||February 17, 1997|
|Written by||Catherine LePard|
|Directed by||Harvey S. Laidman|
Lucy asks Eric to help find out the truth about her friend Suzanne's family's financial problems. Matt tries to protect Mary from a classmate, Michael who is harassing her. Ruthie's first day of pre-kindergarten makes Annie feel melancholy. Simon is jealous about Ruthie's new classmate from pre-kindergarten because Ruthie's more interested in him than Simon.
- Even though he was credited as a guest star in the previous episode, "Happy's Valentine", Matthew Linville isn't credited in this episode.
- Lucy [to Suzanne]: You know, when I called you last night, your mom said you weren't back from my house yet.
- Suzanne: Maybe she didn't hear me come in.
- Lucy: I guess.
- Suzanne: You know, it's a big house, and my mom's kind of a flake. You do the math.
- Lucy: Dad, did Suzanne seem a little weird last night when we dropped her off?
- Eric: Yeah, something was a little off, but I'm not sure what.
- Lucy: Could you find out?
- Eric: How?
- Lucy: I don't know. Just get in there and root around. Do what you usually do.
- Eric: Well, I can't just butt into somebody's life because we have a feeling something might be up.
- Lucy: Why? You do it all the time.
- Eric: Well, not exactly. I, I help people who ask for my help.
- Lucy: Oh, so my asking's not enough? Great! (storms out)
- Eric: That's not what I said! That's not what I said.
- Annie: It's just what she heard.
- Matt: (getting ready to drive to school) Thanks. She'll be a real joy to ride with.
- Matt [to Mary]: Um, just so I know, you told him no, right?
- Mary: Of course I said no. I wouldn't go out with Michael Towner if there was a cash price involved. But it wouldn't be any of your business if I did.
- Matt: Believe that if it helps you sleep.
- Simon: (to Ruthie as he prepares for the first day of school) A lot of kids cry when their moms drop them off on the first day of pre-kindergarten. Don't do that. Once inside the classroom, you'll probably do some counting. Beads, Cheerios, or something. Don't eat them, whatever they are. Then you'll probably color, glue, maybe cut. Don't get regular scissors. They'll only tear if you're a leftie, which you are.
- Ruthie: (holds up her thumb) Right.
- Simon: Your other right. Don't worry. After that, you're pretty much in the home stretch. Then you'll take a nap, you'll have a snack. Stay away if it's coconut, and then Mom will come to pick you up. Oh yeah, and never, ever pick anything. It will come back to haunt you.
- Ruthie: No crying, no coconut, no picking. Got it.
- Simon: Good. I'm glad we had this little talk. Welcome to the big leagues.
- Annie: I hate to interrupt this seminar, but one of us has a very big day tomorrow.
- Simon: No kidding! My day is completely booked. School, lunch, recess, more school, Happy, and then homework. Where does the time go?
- Annie: I have no idea, Simon.
- Annie: (to Ruthie) What's the matter, honey? Not too hungry today, huh?
- Simon: Opening day jitters, Mom. (to Ruthie) Listen, eat something light. A little toast, maybe. Throwing up at school is just as bad as crying.
- Eric: Simon.
- Simon: What? I'm just giving Ruthie the benefit of my experience. I mean, come on, let's face it. It has been a while since you or Mom were at school. (leaves)
- Annie: Honey, it's gonna be okay. You know the teacher, and she's really, really nice, and you're gonna make lots of friends.
- Ruthie: Fine. I just don't like this cereal.
- Annie [to Ruthie]: Honey, I thought you liked going to school.
- Ruthie: I like peanut butter, but I don't want it every day. If I had known pre-kindergarten was every day, I would never have signed up for it. This is all your fault! (punches Simon in the arm)
- Annie: Ruthie Camden! Where did you learn to do something like that?
- Ruthie: School, and I'm never going back, ever!
- Eric: So your sister shoved a guy's head in the toilet?
- Matt: Up to the collar. You would have been proud.
- Michael: (after Mary dunks his head in a toilet) I want to file assault charges.
- Principal: Fine. And Mary, I assume you'll want to file sexual harassment charges? (long silence, Michael looks baffled) What did you think that was? Messing around? Joking? Having fun? It's not. It's sexual harassment.
- Mr. Towner: You know, I'm not the least bit surprised that you feel this way.
- Principal: Mr. Towner, I know you'd like to believe that this is about "sisterhood" when actually, it's a matter of right and wrong. You see, your belief is incorrect, and holding fast to it at this point really isn't going to help anyone, including your son. So, Mary, how do you want to handle this?
- Mary: (pauses) It's over. I just want to let it go.
- Principal: Really? I'm not inclined to be as generous as you are. (to Michael) You talk trash, you write trash, and you dare to snap this woman's bra strap? At the very least, your head is gonna wind up in a toilet! You harass one more human being in this building, and you will find that you have no friends here. Got it?
- Michael: Yes.
- Principal: Good. Now go spread the word. I know you're good at that.
- Ruthie: Talk to the hand.
- Simon: What?
- Ruthie: Talk to the hand cuz the ears ain't listening.
- Simon: Where did you learn that?
- Ruthie: From my new friend Skyler. He's a super-hero.
- Simon: (when he's jealous of Ruthie's new best friend) You might as well line a hamster cage with me.
- Matt: Are you kidding? Your job's just beginning.
- Simon: What do you mean?
- Matt: Well, she's always gonna need you. I mean, half the time, she won't know it, and she'll never admit it, but you're older, you'll know it, and that'll be enough. The tricky part is teaching her to take care of herself.
- Simon: Well, I'll do my best. She's a handful.
- Matt: Yeah, well, it could be worse. How would you like to be Mary and have to keep an eye on Lucy?
- Simon: Then I'd have to quit school, because she's a full-time job!
- Matt: (laughs) Yeah. And as the oldest, I have to look out for everybody, including you.
- Simon: And when do you ever have to look out for me?
- Matt: I'm doing it right now.
- Bill Sanders: (runs into Eric and Lucy at the pool hall) Are you following me?
- Eric: No, I'm just shooting pool with my daughter.
- Bill Sanders: So you didn't just show up here to show me what a real father-daughter relationship ought to be?
- Eric: Only you can decide what a father-daughter relationship should be. This is just a coincidence.
- Bill Sanders: A pool-playing minister. I've never heard that one before.
- Eric: Well, maybe you need to get out more, Bill.
- Bill Sanders: (to Lucy) I'm Suzanne's dad. I'm guessing you're in on this, too?
- Eric: You don't wanna mess with my kid.
- Eric: (to Mary) There's always going to be somebody who'll try to take your digity and self-esteem. Just never let them take your voice.